The Jay Looks Forward to the Rest of 2005...

THE JAY - 12:07 a.m.

With the big gun of 2005 five out of the way (Order 66!), and an entire slate of beyond crappy movies wiped from our theaters and sent packing to DVD land, it’s time to look forward to the rest of the year. The horizon holds promise; several high profile flicks, great directors coming back and an ever curious group of potential sleeper-flicks. Oh, and of course, lots to make fun of.

So here at A-Train vs. The Jay, we have decided to compile our respective lists of the films we are most looking forward to for the rest of the year. As well, we will include the films we are least looking forward to, and in a related issue, our topics of harsh, sarcastic discussion. Enjoy.

MOVIES I'M MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO:

Batman Begins – The only thing that could get me more excited about this flick is if Michael Keaton showed up in a surprise cameo. Love me some Keaton.

War of the Worlds – I’m dying to see what made Tom eights ways of crazy. And also, Spielberg + Aliens = Awesome. That’s like, better than the Pythagorean theory.

Wedding Crashers – I’ve already seen it, and its high hilarity. I’m looking forward to being able to quote the flick with all my friends. Lock it down!

Sky High – Pure, unadulterated goofy fun. And doesn’t love seeing Kurt Russell playing iconic?

The New World – The best trailer I have seen in years. Farrell will bring it. Trust me.

Aeon Flux – I am just dying to see if Charlize can pull this off. Bar none the best sci-fi script I have read in years. This is a big franchise just waiting to happen.

Ultraviolet – Kurt Wimmer’s follow up to Equilibrium. More Gun-kata!

Untitled Mike Judge Project – The last time Mike Judge made a movie it changed the way we look at TPS Reports. Gotta give him the early confidence.

The Transporter 2 – An old school, throwback action flick? Yes please!

Red Eye – The Next (Rachel McAdams) does a thriller. I could watch her watch paint dry and I’d be riveted.

Into the Blue – I mean have you seen the trailer? Hello, Alba!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – This episode has a lot to prove after the brilliance of Azkaban. But any film that has Emma Watson in it can’t be all bad.

Domino – Keira Knightley is the new Man on Fire. Hee!

Elizabethtown – Can Cameron Crowe pull a non-historical performance out of Orlando Bloom? I don’t doubt the man that made Lloyd Dobler


MOVIES I'M LEAST LOOKING FORWARD TO:

Fantastic Four – Probably the worst looking Marvel movie since Thomas Jane thought he was cooler than Dolph Lundgren. Nothing about this movie looks good, from the casting to the trailers to the costumes to the infamous shitty script. It’ll make a mint, but it ain’t gonna be worth salt.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – This one is just a hunch. I got a bad feeling about this.

Herbie: Fully Loaded – How the mighty have fallen. 2005 will mark not the downfall of the once mighty Lakers, or the trail of Michael Jackson, but the demise of the once-red headed, formerly curvaceous hottie known as Lindsay Lohan. May she rest in peace. Plastics forever!

Underworld: Evolution – The first one wasn’t any good and didn’t make any money. Who greenlit this piece of shit? God!

Saw 2 – The first flick was so over-rated I was nauseous before the opening credits ended. And though I love him, someone has got to stop Cary Elwes before he ruins another movie.

Big Momma’s House 2 – Did we really need more Big Momma movies? I mean, really?

Bewitched – More evidence that Nicole Kidman is withering away into nothingness. This one smells as bad as that shite Stepford Wives flick she dropped last summer. Not even Ron Burgundy can save this upcoming albatross.

Rent – Hollywood, stop making musicals. And Chris Columbus, please stop thinking you can do anything other than Macaulay Culkin movies and Goonie flicks. Thus endeth the lesson.

Rebound – Dammit, who keeps funding Martin Lawrence movies? Do we really need another "bad coach teaches a scrappy team of losers to win" movie? How soon we forget Kicking & Screaming.

The Producers – Nobody wants to see this movie. Trust me. What a waste. The play did phenomenal business. What good will the flick do aside from filling the pockets of Mel Brooks? Dude, go make Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money, at least I’d respect you.

Bangarang, Crappy 2005 Movies!