The Search For THE MOST UNTALENTED CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD!

THE JAY – 11:27 p.m.

So here's the thing...

We have a lot of celebrities in this world, not all of which have any talent whatsoever. They become famous for a variety of reasons, be it chopping off their husbands penis, or being a bitch on a reality show and having a distinctive name, or even by the old fashioned method of showcasing your skills and attracting a respectable fanbase due to your body of work. But lately, with that last one, not so much.

Here at the AvsJ blogspot we revel in the stupidity for which people get elected to the seat of celebrity. It rarely bothers us that they stay in that light for a period of time, so much as they don't bug us too much with their annoyingness or gratuitousness (Paris Hilton, I'm looking right at you). Moreover, it doesn't bother us when they continually grace the covers of all those inane star obsessed magazines that line the grocery store shelves. In fact we quite enjoy InTouch Magazine, what with all it's $1.99-ness and its "Now with 60% less text, and 300% more pictures of Jessica Simpson!". Heck, it even doesn't bother us when they show up in movies or on TV, and sully the goodness of our entertainment.

What bothers us is when they stick around. If you have a skill set, and those skills relate to the business of entertainment, then by all means set up camp in my neck of the woods. But if you have no discernable talent whatsoever, beyond a quasi-pretty face and a ruthless set of parents hell bent of stealing your glory, then bitch you got to go! We have too many celebrities. And it's time we start paring down the list.

In search of this dream, Train and I are gonna count down our respective lists of the most untalented celebrities in the world. Each of us will target our own talentless ten, and then the list will get pared down to a supremely crappy group of ten worthless headcases. From there, you, the reader, will get to eliminate five of them. And finally, from the unfabulous 5, a victor will emerge. A testament to their mediocrity, their non-existent credibility, their awesomely bad badness. In short, we will all agree that they suck. And suck hard. And probably have had to suck something in order to get where they are today.

A few rules: The celebrity can be from any medium, we aren't excluding any of those worthless pop singers (more on this later), or any of those obnoxious reality "stars". However, whomever we choose must be a recognizable name; no one obscure. If they haven't been on a cover lately, released an album, shot a movie, guest starred on something, then they don't count. For example: Dustin Diamond (Screech) does not count, as he in not a celebrity by any means, and also I feel sorry for him. However, Omarosa is most definitely a celebrity, as I only had to use her first name and anyone reading this automatically A) knows who I am talking about, B) knows where they know her from, and C) hates her guts.

And finally, they have to truly be untalented. Yes, each list member is subject for debate, but really, we shouldn't have to argue too hard about it. If they've received dozens of accolades, been in great movies, even won awards and shit, than chances are they have some semblance of talent. We may not like them, but we can't deny that others may. But popularity doesn't keep them off the list. Even though many people may see their movies, buy their albums, want to have sex with them, etc., if their name is something like Ashlee Simpson, then you best believe they are making this list (again, more on this in a minute).

So, without further ado, A-Train vs. The Jay proudly presents our search for THE MOST UNTALENTED CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD.

My First Pick: Ashlee Simpson

This is an easy one. By now, we have all seen the tape. And we have all agreed that she is a nothing, a brat, a bad dancer, and most of all, very fugly. And moreover, very few of us were surprised. I was lucky enough to have watched the incident live, coincidentally watching SNL that fateful night. I watched her lip her way through Pieces of Me, a song I admit I had enjoyed up until that night. I did notice that she seemed to perform it with such ease. There was no denying it wasn't live, but I'm not bothered by that. I've watched other singers do the same thing, and have still enjoyed their "performance" (hello, Ms. Spears). But then Jude Law announced her again...

The funniest part about the whole thing is not her bad dancing, or her crying, or her ignoble blame of her poor drummer. It was when she walked off the stage, and her back up band started laughing at her. They know how bad she is, and how pathetic it is that her “talent” has been exploited. I mean, if you can't even get the support of people being PAID to support you, then something is most definitely wrong with your place in the entertainment industry.

I watched her MTV reality show and saw the episode where she couldn't hit the notes of her single during the recording session. The eventual breakdown and lip-synch-gate was basically inevitable.

The untalented ones always reveal themselves. You can only dye your hair so much, shake so many hands, blow so many A&R execs, before someone comes clean about your worthlessness. Ashlee Simpson, we hardly knew you.

For all the time I spent in my car, singing along to that addictive single. For all the face time I used up reading about your sister and how you were so so different. For all the TV time wasted on your "live" appearances. For all the bad takes I had to cross though when I was an extra on your episodes of 7th Heaven and you couldn't remember your damn lines (Which you were getting PAID to DO!). I nominate you, Ashley Simpson (cause that's how you spell that name, ass!), as one of the 20 Most Untalented Celebrities in the World. Go forth and make another hit single so that we can watch you embarrass yourself again on national television. Also, learn to dance, jackass.

Bangarang, Pieces of Me!