You. Yes, You! I'm looking at YOU.

THE JAY – 12:07 a.m.

“Wassup?”

That really works for you? Or that Angel dude? The last time I said wassup to a complete stranger, she wasn't exactly begging me to bed her. I don't know about your method. Or any method for that matter. I quote Jon Lennon, "I don't believe in methods, I just believe in me." Very smart. He was the walrus you know. I could have been the walrus, but it still wouldn't change the fact that I haven't met a decent girl since a certain ex-republican back in College.

And for those of you who didn't get any of what I just wrote, well, don't worry about it, I lost myself too.

I've been trying something new, just cause what else to try, right? Instead of the usual stilted visual conversation, wherein you spy a glance, then look away when she meets your gaze, then repeat the same exchange over and over again; I'm trying what I like to call "staring". Don't worry, it's not nearly as creepy as it seems. It's fairly simple, actually. I see a girl I think is pretty, and I look at her. If she catches me watching, I don't look away. I simply let her know that yes, I am looking at her. And let me tell you, it's worked a lot better than anything I else I've picked up watching Swingers for the 547th time.

The problem in the performance is that if it works properly, she will come to you. Which could prove potentially disastrous. As this happened to me a short while ago. Two semi-attractive girls sauntered drunkenly over to me and my boy Galvez and started to spit game on how they couldn't help but noticing me staring at them, yada yada yada. They proceeded to try and talk us up further, yet it was abundantly clear that they were morons. We bolted out of that shit, left them to stumble to the next poor bastard, and hit the Tivo room right quick! And that's the problem, you find a girl worth looking at, but they ain't worth salt or spit to talk at.

But who's to know what will or will not come from any try at the random female you spy across the room at a party, bar, library, orgy, etc.

And also dude, don't give advice to our readers. All seven of them. Be the shark? Be the Rated-R guy? Who talks like that? No wonder you strike out more than Sammy Sosa without his corked bat. All this time writing about trying to get chicks, instead of actually trying to get girls...it's real sad.

Bangarang, Sosa!