Be Direct, That's All We Ask

THE JAY 3:18 p.m

I will do my best not to make any generalizations, or drum up any clichés. No wait, second thought, I will. Women are vague, unfair, cruel and a lot worse at communication than men. There, I said it and I feel better now. Look, I'm not trying to say that every girl I know or talk to is evil, though some of them are. What I'm peepin' about on this post are girls that we men meet when we are out at social functions. Here's how the thing goes, but shouldn't...

You meet a girl. She seems really sweet, funny. Smiles for days. She's throwing you vibes like a fourth quarter Dan Marino. You score the digits and go home happy. For all you know, this is the next par 5. Right? So you wait two days, cause two days is kinda money, and industry standard. The convo goes well, laughs are had and tentative plans are set. So far, so good. Then you go on the "date" and quickly realize it's gonna be a major no-go. So what happened? I'll tell you. She never liked you. Not at any point. Not like that. She may think you're fun to be around, but she doesn’t think you're fun to be around naked. Don't take it personally, she's just nuts.

And I come to my point. This post is for the ladies, but fellas, listen close. Ladies, if you don't like a guy, please, do us the small courtesy of not flirting with us. We won't be offended. You're saving the both of us a lot of time, money and energy by not giving us the mixed signal we look for to go forward. Just don't flirt. Don't give us your number. Don't say yes to a date. Don't ask us to come over. Don't touch us. It's just that easy. You wanna simplify the man vs. women problem, there you go. If you don't like a guy, don't like him. But do the thing right and don't like him all the way. Men are fairly simple about these things. We like a girl, we hit on her. We wanna bone a girl, we hit on her. We don't like a girl, well, we may still hit on her depending on our chances to bone. Cause guys like to play golf. If you know what I mean. Holes.

Women, I beg of you, stop fucking with us. We're tired of it. And we're on to you.