For Love of the T&A

THE JAY - 5:24 p.m.

You know what? I’m not gonna talk about the best and worst tit-ays in Hollywood. Cause there are just too many to name. So many great ones on great beauties that I have had the pleasure to enjoy on DVD, in a locked room. Let's go back further. Go beyond...

I wanna celebrate the women who have embraced gratuitous T & A. The ones who have given us the opportunity to have debates like this. The ones who have sacrificed their bodies on the alter of boyish entertainment. The ones who make it easier to sit through horrendous movies (Hello, Halle Berry). The ones who are the sole reason to sit through said crappy movies. The ones who have my undying support; for am I also someone who sacrifices my body to my art. In short, the boobs that I respect. And the women they belong to.

Kate Holmes - The Gift
Who knew? That's what it boils down to. Nobody had any idea this was coming. I remember the first time I heard the rumor. I didn't even know this movie existed. Which is rare, if you know me. But I heard a rumor she got nekkid. My boys and I drove for an hour to see a midnight screening, just to be sure the rumor wasn't wrong. It wasn't. And the dream of a thousand geeks was fulfilled. Glorious!

She may never have a career, post-Dawson's Creek. Doesn't matter. She will forever be loved by fanboys, revered by older men, and beloved by the male cinematic community. She is the queen of young Hollywood T&A. Way to go, Joey!

Rene Russo - The Thomas Crown Affair
Making MILFS a trend we could all get behind. Gotta respect the older woman with the hot body, willing to bare it all. And in multiple scenes! I've loved her on screen for years, but damn if she didn't get my respect with her scene on the beach.

Diane Lane - Unfaithful
See above. I mean, DAMN!

Angelina Jolie - All of her films
There's just something comforting in knowing that going to an Angelina movie means seeing her naked. No matter the quality of the film or the need for nudity, Ms. Jolie just likes to get nene. And I love her for it. I could draw her tits from memory. Doesn't matter. She drops trou more than any actress in Hollywood. And there's a reason she is a gigantic movie star despite not ever having a successful film on her back. And no, Tomb Raider does not count.

Charlize Theron - All of her films
See above. Sensing a pattern here.?

Halle Berry - Swordfish
Before Catwoman. Before Billy Bob. There was Swordfish. The one that changed everything. A mess of a movie, with two many endings, where none of them are any good. Smack in the middle of the flick, for no other reason that money, Storm flashed Wolverine. And it was good. For anyone that sat through Boomerang or Bulworth or The Flintstones or the frustrating Last Boy Scout, Swordfish was truly the light at the end of the tunnel. I literally hate that movie. Except for the twenty glorious seconds where Halle Berry gave in, and presented the world with a beautiful gift: her T's.

Let me also make a point that the last three ladies on the list all have Academy Awards. Warrants mentioning...

Patricia Arquette - Lost Highway
For no other reason than those are Alabama freakin’ Worley's kazammers! Hot dog! ... also, Dick Laurent is dead. Indeed. (By the way, if you didn't get that last reference, don't worry. I didn't either.)

Phoebe Cates - Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Childhood is over the moment you see Phoebe come out of that pool. Words can't express the joy and wonder of that scene. She disappeared off the face of the Earth, and though she is gone, she will never be forgotten. The red string bikini lives on.

The list could go on and on, but for my money those are my favorites. And those women are the ones that made the most indelible impression on me as a man. Thank you to all the actresses on the list, and those who are in my picture file. Parts of my anatomy truly salute you.

Bangarang A-Train!